She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
