Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize