Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
