i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
where are you?
Hypothermia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
