if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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