I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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