Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize