eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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