I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
