how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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