I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
