Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Every concussion has its silver lining
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize