So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
