why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
