I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
