can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
