I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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