What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
