So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
