I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
