he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize