Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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