Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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