It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize