Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
