I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
whose parrot is this?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
