Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
