I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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