I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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