youre lurking in front of me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
