I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize