im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
