Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
His nipple licking is glorious
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