You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
