During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
