Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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