apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
