I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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