HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
