I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wear drunk well.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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