There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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