While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
