Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
