Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
