I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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