i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
