Small penises have feelings too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize