your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize