FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
