Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
