Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
