So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
