I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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