I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
