His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
