New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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