well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
