he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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