Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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