I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
