I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i've created a new STD.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
