guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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