imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
