mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
