fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We need to get me chipped asap
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
