I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
