Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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