I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
