Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
