Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
