you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
