At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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